There is nothing worse than the loss of laughter. I have survived my chaotic life by managing to find humor in just about anything. My children inherited this gift. It’s what keeps us going. Moments that silence even our inner laughter are rare. This was one of them.
I came home from work yesterday and Olivia ran to me, wrapped her arms around me shaking and hysterical crying. She couldn’t even speak. I have rarely seen Olivia cry let alone melt into hysterics. I asked her what happened and she couldn’t speak. The thoughts going through my head of what could have possibly happened to make her tremble to this extent I’d prefer to leave buried. She finally got the words out; “I got a 25 on a test”.
Even with her struggle with dyslexia and ADHD, Olivia is a great student. She usually makes honor roll, or at least comes close, but she fights hard for it. A failing test certainly isn’t foreign to us, but not common. Her reaction didn’t make sense. After calming her down and expressing clearly to her that I didn’t give a crap about her test grade, she finally explained what happened.
Dyslexia isn’t just mixing up letters. The brain processes everything different. In her case, the format of the test was different than the study guide. She was having an off day and she failed. So what? She was then pulled out for speech, returning just before class let out. One of her classmates whispered to her when she returned that she was going to be in big trouble because she failed bad. Her test was on her desk with just about every answer x’d in red and her failing grade on top. She ran out of the class crying. One of her teachers saw her crying in the hallway and watched her run into the bathroom with a friend wiping her tears. She went on with her day without a thought about it.
I am far from a “Not my kid” mom. She failed. That being said, she has a diagnosed learning disorder. She has an IEP. She is in class with a special ed teacher to oversee her. What kind of teacher, especially one with a special education degree, would present a test in that manner for the class to see? A teacher with a true understanding of the struggles these kids face every single day would pull her aside and figure out what went wrong. She would call the parent after seeing the child crying. They wouldn’t decorate the test in red marker and post it on their desk like it was artwork for all to see.
Why did this happen? BECAUSE MY KID LOOKS NORMAL!! She’s confident, beautiful and popular. She’s the first one to offer help to other kids if she understands an assignment, and the first to ask for help if she doesn’t understand it herself. She doesn’t look different. Obviously I must be one of those parents milking the education system.
This is not my first rodeo. It took me 3 years to get Jake the help he needed. They let him fall so far behind before agreeing to give him help that it took years to catch him up. Why? Because he looked normal. Then, 2 years ago, I was the only parent not invited to a 4th grade end of year class presentation. Olivia forgot to bring home the invitation. Memory issues are a huge problem with her. These teachers were well aware of this. My dyslexic daughter stood in front of her classmates and all their parents and gave a PowerPoint presentation without me. She came home from school and fought back tears and smiled through the desire to frown as she gave us that presentation proudly in our living room. The teacher admitted to me later on that it was intentional. She said she was “teaching her a life lesson”. Needless to say that teacher is no longer in that school.
Driving in the car today she said she wished she were smart. I pulled over and looked her straight in the eye and told her she was one of smartest kids I know. I meant it. I reminded her that some of the most successful people in the world have dyslexia. Her brain is more powerful than the average person could understand, which makes her smarter than all of us. I told her one day people will be jealous of her, in fact, some already are. There was that smile again.
There will always be the teachers in the world that do not belong near special needs children. Fortunately there are so many that truly have their heart in it. They take it home with them and return the next day more educated than the day before. Most importantly you are your child’s mentor. Give them the strength and confidence they need to deal with the obstacles they will face. Teach them to find their smile and laughter. In the end, that fixes anything.
As a good friend of mine says every morning: “Chin up, smile on”. It’s a well needed reminder. A smile fixes everything.
The Story Of Maverick 